Top Ten: Things Not to Say on a Road Trip

We've all been there.  Stuck in the back seat of a sticky, hot car.  Trying to drone out the sound of your parent's singing.  Scrunching as far away from your angry sister's punches (and maybe dealing out a few of your own, too).  Fast food bags from lunch giving off that appetizing grease smell.  Only six hours left! Only?!?!  Ahh, the joys of road trips. If your family is anything like mine, you know exactly how to push each other's buttons and enjoy doing it too.  No matter how exciting the ultimate destination is (ranging from a week on the beach in North Carolina to the wedding of your fourth cousin twice-removed), you cannot wait to get yourself out of that car and never see it again.  Even if that means you have to face the fact that there is no way that you will be able to avoid the wedding.

Chicago Road Trip

Having gone on more than my fair share of road trips, the list of things that you should definitely not say has grown long.  Especially when everyone else in that hot, sticky car wants to get out just as badly as you do.  Believe me, I know.  So without further ado, I present to you the top ten things that you should definitely not say on a road trip.


 # 10. "Let's play I spy!" Okay, so granted this game can be entertaining . . . for two minutes.  How much can you really spy while speeding by tree after tree after tree?

Please enjoy my very favorite and totally applicable clip from Brother Bear.  

#9. "I want to go home." After coming this far, there's no way we're going back.  Until we go back, that is.  But for the time being, suck it up and enjoy the car ride, dang it!

#8. "Why couldn't we have flown?" Yes, that's a great idea - let's pay for plane tickets for the entire family to go on a trip that would take us three hours to drive.  Add in check-in, security, and baggage claim and you have yourself a good four hours right there.  That's why we didn't fly.

#7. Play country music from the 1960s. Even though this isn't technically saying something, it still deserves a spot on the list.  Willie's Roadhouse, which specializes in classic country, happens to be my grandpa's favorite station, which makes for a looong ride.  Just don't do it.

#6. "How long have we been driving?" Ask once, fine.  Ask every twenty minutes, you are on your way to becoming a hitchhiker.

#5. Singing. Unless you have the voice of an angel, please save your concerts for the hairbrush and bathroom mirror.  Of course, the two exceptions to this rule are Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline." Then, by all means, everyone join in!

#4. "I'm hungry!" Well you shouldn't have eaten all the snacks in the first 45 minutes.  Don't say we didn't warn you.

#3. "I'm bored." And we can solve that problem how. . . ?

#2. "I need to go to the bathroom right now!" So why didn't you go when we stopped to get you food? Your sense of planning never ceases to amaze me.

And the number one thing you should never say on a road trip needs no explanation:

"Are we there yet?" 


Most of these gain their status on this list after hearing them uttered from my sister's mouth countless times (except Willie's Roadhouse.  Her love of classic country is just about the level my love is. The credit is all yours, Grandpa). Though, admittedly I have let more than a few slip, myself.

Next family road trip we embark upon, I'll do my very best to make sure that I don't even think about saying any of these and just focus on sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the ride.  Well, until someone breaks out in a game of I Spy.  Then I may have to intervene.

What's your favorite "thing to never say on a road trip?" Drop me a comment and let me know!